Autumn and Homesickness

I always feel lonely this time of year. The homesickness begins to rear its ugly head as the days become increasingly darker, and it seems to beat deep within my chest. I wish I could take my son Trick-or-Treating, or take him to a pumpkin patch, or to an orchard with family gathered around us. We'll miss Thanksgiving and Christmas again. All of the holidays I long for, the company I used to take for granted.  

It's such a complicated feeling.  I do love my life out here in Finland. I have found amazing friendships. We gather around each other like found family. My husband is my best friend and such a wonderful support/supporter. We are able to travel to all of the places that had seemed so distant and far away when we were living in the states. And I am able to purse a dream that is now finally becoming a reality. 

However, now my old home is distant. I crave the culture and nostalgia of my old life. I cringe everytime an older Finnish person tries to talk to me when I'm with my son or dog. A huge weight drops heavily in my stomach, and I have to shamefully laugh and ask them to repeat whatever they've said in English, because my Finnish is terrible.  

Everything in the stores and shops are becoming decorated for Christmas. Gossamer glittering fake snow, Christmas gnomes bigger than my child, and I have never seen so many advent calenders in all my life. 

But I'm still in the American mindset of Halloween. I see my friends on social media taking their kids out for spooky fun, and all I can feel is that longing for my home state. Wishing I could take my son out with them.